Darkness

So I tried to watch No Country for Old Men the other night. It was shot incredibly well, the writing and editing was top-notch. It won a ton of awards and it probably deserved them.

I have to say, though, I just didn't care and I quit watching. The story was full of evil and I just decided I'd had enough.

I tend to like dark movies, stories, songs, etc... Maybe it was growing up with a fairly sheltered childhood. A lot of the music and other art I was exposed to in my youth showed mostly good and happiness. Fairly basic wisdom shows us that to know how good the light is, we need to understand the darkness, and I probably went out in search of the darkness for a season, just to grasp that.

Good art tends to show both the good and the bad of a scenario, and it serves to evoke thoughts, discussions, inspirations we wouldn't have otherwise.

I think, though, that I have reached a season where I'm cutting myself off from some of that darkness. Not because I'm scared of it or I want to be shallow. It's because I'm alive. One look into my heart, my mind, my desires, my angers puts Heath Ledger's Joker to shame. There is no darkness on film that comes close to the darkness in me. I don't feel I am in need these days of studying the depths of depravity.

In contrast, becoming more aware of my own darkness, my own sin, really does serve to show me how wonderful truly good things are. I feel like I'm enjoying nature more than ever, laughter, getting lost in a beautiful melody. My heart seems to be opening to a wider spectrum of both darkness and light.

It's often a fight to enjoy good things. I don't know why that is, but I know it's true. It's like making yourself get off the couch to do the dishes and exercise. You know you enjoy the ends and often even the means, but you just don't want to move.

So this isn't to say "Don't watch this movie, it's bad!", it's just to share where I am right now. I asked for your reactions to that specific movie the other night just to see what others thought. Some of you learned great things from it. That's awesome.

I have no grand statement tonight. I just want to make the most of my time, to be present today so I don't have to regret it tomorrow. My darkness will continue to be evident to me, and to everybody who knows me, but I want to start learning more about the light. Pray for me, as I will pray for you, that every evil we see would drive us to learn more about what is truly good, and through that live in and enjoy this world that can be so very, very dark.