Donde He Estado (Where I've Been)

Jason left this comment on my last post a few days ago: "Donde esta, Andy?" My friends, that is the question.  Where the heck have I been?  I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted.  It feels like a ton of things have happened in the past month (I turned 30, wrote a ton of songs with some amazing people, played a few local shows) and at the same time it feels like I haven't done much at all.

I think not traveling makes the time pass a lot faster.  I don't do much waiting around these days, which is a great portion of your life on the road.  These days it's up with the kids, off to the studio, work, work, work, home for dinner, put the kids to bed, some more work, some time with Ali, a few pages of a book, a few hours of sleep, repeat...

Putting much more effort in the daily process of writing songs has funneled most of my creative thoughts and energy there.  Not much left over for blog posts these days.  Again, my apologies.  Though there are some great new tunes in this world.

At a greater level of truth, though, the journey of this year so far has been much more internal, personal and local than times past.  I've been swimming in the fundamental shifts in relationships (all for good, though it doesn't always look that way in the moment), fundamental shifts in business, and an intense desire to dive deeper into the community around me.  It's been an interesting season for a guy who's always been a fairly open book.

Sometimes you march with an army, sometimes you hack your way through the jungle with a machete. I can tell you that I've been trying to be more present in the journey, and it's had me feeling both more connected and more alone than ever.  The days have often like they were on a yo-yo, up, down, up, down, sometimes many spins a day.  The same happens when we trust people, we connect and then, because we're human, we let each other down and lose the connection.  You crave the connection, but you get scared of what will inevitably follow.

Here, now, is a truth trumped by a greater truth (and trumped by a final truth, greatest of all):

The truth: We are surrounded by people, fellow travelers on this insane journey.  None of us are ever alone.

The greater truth: But really, we are.  We are alone in our grief, our doubts, our anger and our fear.  Not a soul can ever know or understand what it really is we're thinking.  For this present time, not even the Spirit of God alive within us, can touch us in a way to fully comfort us.  We are utterly and completely out-of-reach of anyone else.

And that final, parenthesized truth, greatest of all?

We are never alone.  We are in process.  The process of becoming fully known, fully loved, fully revealed and, believe it or not, fully enjoyed that will crescendo into a never-ending climax of joy.  We are created by the One who is able to hold us, guide us, heal us and walk with us in the exact and complete way our hearts really long for.

So all that is to say, I'll do my best to be around here more again.  I'm officially removing any sense of duty from posting, so I won't feel guilty about taking a week or two between blogs, and that will probably free me up to be here more anyway.  (Also, as those of you who follow me on facebook or twitter can tell you, I'm as OCD about posting as ever.  I just do it more these days in incremental 160 character bursts.)

I am so grateful for you caring, reading these thoughts, and for being a part of my journey, as I may or may not be a part of yours.  There is a part of what we do in this sharing and listening that takes us far beyond song, meter and rhyme.  Thank you.