I hate Advice Cookies.

We had some Chinese food this week. We like Chinese food. My favorite part used to be the fortune cookies. But I've been noticing a very bad trend in fortune cookery.

No fortunes.

Yeah, there's a littie slip of white paper, but the sayings are things like "Try hard and you'll succeed" or "Good friends are worth the time". People, these are ADVICE COOKIES. And I don't want your advice, cookie-making people!

I want weird fortunes. Things that are even weirder with the obligatory "in bed" put at the end. So to the fortune cookie barons reading this right now (you know who you are) I offer up a few humble suggestions. If you like them, and want to pay for next record, give me a call. There are more where these come from...

"Never ride the bus on Tuesday."

"Don't eat the chicken."

"Wear your old khakis. You left a $20 in the pocket."

"Next Thursday, 10:46 AM. Be at the zoo by the meerkats. You will spot a minor celebrity who used to be on "Full House". He will trip and fall. Laugh, but under your breath."

"Run!!"

Got any other ideas? I'm sure you do. Leave them as a comment. Happy Monday.