open letter to banking institutions

Dear Banks -

I own an early 60's ranch house. My wife and I each drive a functioning car. I have a credit card because I have to rent cars on a fairly regular basis. And every month I have to send you a check for each one of these things.

That is fine, I understand that.

But, please, for me, and for the rest of America. I have two small favors to ask of you.

1. Please make sure your websites work. Especially if you're going to continually refer me to it and charge me every time I talk to an actual person. I have to keep talking to that person because your website keeps not working. I am already paying you money. I don't want to give you any more of it.

2. Please stop changing your name every other month. I now pay my mortgage to whom I used to pay my car bill. That car bill is now paid to the same bank as my other car, but to different divisions of that same bank. I am confused and I'm starting to really dislike you. All of you. Although I'm starting to think there's only one of you. Like Edward Norton and Brad Pitt in Fight Club. Except they were cool.